Breathe in....breathe out....

That's what I'm trying to do. The first day of school is Tuesday. I've met both boys' teachers and I believe they're going to LOVE school this year. That makes me happy.

I'm not sure I can describe the feelings I have about sending Jake to school. I'm just not ready. He is SO ready. I can't keep him here forever (but, I'd like to).

I'm desperately trying to push these feelings away. I want to show him that I'm excited for him to go, excited for him to learn new things and make new friends. I'm certain my eyes will fill with tears on Tuesday morning, while we wait for the bus. I've never been so happy to have transition lenses in my life - I WILL NOT show him my sadness. Instead, I'll hug him tightly, smile and wish him a fabulous day. Once that bus drives away, I can't promise the tears won't fall. In fact, I'm certain they will.

My crew is heading to Columbus, Ohio tomorrow. The boys and I are going to the Columbus Zoo on Saturday morning while my husband and my in-laws go to the Navy/Ohio State football game. I didn't want to sit around here by myself for the weekend, so we invited ourselves :) I'm geeked, the boys are even more geeked and I need a day or two in some new surroundings.

Pictures will follow in a few days.

Happy Labor Day!

The Boots to my Dora.

The Bert to my Ernie. The Patrick to my Spongebob (this one would be his favorite).



My middle child. The child who plays that role VERY well. The child who has been by my side more days than not. The child who will plant himself outside of the bathroom, so he knows the second I walk out.

I'm sending him off to Kindergarten in 49 days. I'm heartbroken about that. He's my shopping partner, my helper, my snuggler during quiet time. He loves to hold my hand, just because. He's an excellent big brother and will entertain Henry when he gets fussy and I can't get to him in time.

What am I going to do without him? I suppose I'll continue to prepare him the best way I can and be proud of the fact that he's a good boy with a very tender heart, a feisty personality and desire to please and do well. I can think of nothing else I want in my children.

Wordless Wednesday

See this adorable, stubborn little man? He's FINALLY POTTY TRAINED! I've panicked about this - he starts Kindergarten in 6 months. Last Monday, the doc told him he needed to be potty trained for Kindergarten - he started the next day and hasn't looked back. He hasn't worn a diaper since.

Can you say KA-CHING?!?! I can hear the money jingling in the bank account now!

He's F-I-V-E!

Five years ago today, at this very moment, I was recovering from an insane natural childbirth experience. My sweet baby boy, Jake Allan was born at 8:56 a.m., on January 22, 2004, weighing 6 lbs. 6 oz. and he was 19 inches long. He was born at 37 weeks, 2 days, which totally threw me off.

My bag wasn't packed, my sitter for Will wasn't available because of timing issues and I just wasn't ready emotionally.

He's an amazing little boy and I'm blessed to be his mama. I've had loads of fun with him over the last 5 years and I look forward to many more years of fun with him. He's brought joy to my life that I didn't know existed. He's been counting down the days 'til his birthday for weeks now and he came running into our bedroom this morning with a huge grin on his face. He said, "Today is my BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!" Yes, my love, it is!

Happy birthday my sweet boy!

Dare I say we're on our way? (long and possible TMI)

Our sweet boy Jake is different - it's hard for me to describe to anyone and only my husband truly knows what I'm talking about when I say that.

He has done EVERYTHING later than his older brother - didn't walk until he was 1 1/2, didn't speak a word until he was 2 and at 4 1/2, he's still not potty trained.

The whole potty training thing has been a long and difficult journey. Our oldest son potty trained himself in 3 short days - woke up one morning and said, "Mommy, I don't want to wear diapers anymore!" and he didn't. It took 1 full day of reminding him to go on the potty and after that, he was good to go. He wore diapers at night for 6 more months and then did that on his own, too - took 1 night. In the 2+ years he's been potty trained, he's had ONE accident. Stupid me thought Jake would be a piece of cake to potty train - he'd want to be just like his brother....

OHHH no, it just doesn't work that way.

He had surgery in 2005 for what the doctors called "Anal Sphincter Dysplasia". He was born with his sphincter muscle detached. He had an awful time going to the bathroom after he started eating solids as a baby and it just went downhill from there. We had to give the poor baby 3 enemas a day for months before the surgery, to get his body ready. Once he had the surgery, he did VERY well. Going to the bathroom was easy for him - he seemed MUCH happier.

We moved back to the U.S. (we lived in Switzerland from 2004-2006) and he was good for about 6 months. Then, the problems started all over again. Fast forward a year and a half and we're still stuck. Part of me thinks he's just lazy and another part of me thinks there might be more medical issues. I just know, and call me selfish if you must, that I'm TIRED of changing 10+ yucky diapers a day on a 4 1/2 year old child. He's stuck in a 3 year old preschool class because he's not potty trained - all of his friends have moved up to the next class and I know he's going to be VERY sad to go back next month and be with kids he doesn't know. He can't go to the next Sunday school class because he's not potty trained, he can't go to our church's VBS Sports Camp because he's not potty trained....you get the picture.

He always runs and hides when he has to go - I know what he's doing based on that AND the look on his face. I forced him on the toilet this morning and he went 2 times! I danced a jig in the bathroom and our boy got a bag of M & M's as a treat! I knew there was more that needed to come out, so I had to resort to the one thing I DIDN'T want to do, but knew would work like a charm - the dreaded enema.

He agreed, I did and he screamed :( The stomach cramps were awful for him and the tears were awful for me. He hugged me and sobbed and I felt like I had failed him - failed to protect him from pain, but I was just trying to help him. After 20 minutes or so of bad stomach cramps, it finally happened. He went....and went A LOT. I'm not sure I've ever been more proud of him OR happier for him. The look on his face was pure joy - He was empty and felt so much better. I'm hoping (and praying, too) that this will be the beginning of GOOD things for our boy - he's got a clean slate and knows what he needs to do to go on the potty all the time now.

He's been clean all afternoon - wearing the same CLEAN diaper all afternoon. He's so happy - he feels so much better AND since he's been clean all afternoon, we're heading to Chuck E. Cheese in a bit. He's giddy. I'm giddy for him.